Confession: Okay, so as I’ve mentioned before in a confession; I am now a Gleek. And ever since Jesse St. James came onto the show I have liked him quite a bit. Although wasn’t entirely sure why. I mean, cute? Yes. But there was something else. Then watching last nights Glee episode it clicked. He looks a whole lot like my ex.
So, a little over a year ago when the ex and I had decided to try again after our initial break up, I had lost some weight due to being sad and crap, the usual post break up case of the sads.
After hanging out again, trying again (whatever that means), he had the audacity to tell me:
I don’t want you to get defensive or mad…..but I think you were hotter when you were a bit thicker….
What the bloody fuck! Now if that’s not a mind fuck then I don’t know what is. Specially at a time when I was clearly vulnerable and in a delicate state having just dealt with break up shit. So of course I took that to heart, and no I didn’t keep my mouth shut:
What the fuck? How am I supposed to take that? You want me to plump up? Not happening buddy!
I gave a strong response, but still, his initial statement stuck with me for a while. Of course I wanted him to find me as most attractive as ever, but I wasn’t willing to deliberately gain weight either. Instead, I believe I subconsciously gained some weight back with that statement in the back of my mind, even after breaking up yet again. That was a little over a year ago.
Now? It’s all about me and for me. I’m doing this for myself and not for the vanity of it all (just partly), but to be healthy and not let anyone tell me otherwise. Bastard.
Why do you feel the need to contact me after months of not hearing from you? I just started dating again, don’t mess it up for no reason, that’ll upset me lots.
K thanks, Jojo